Red Army blog

It’s been so flat that Andy hasn’t even bothered to update his daily surf report on the IOP Surf Cam for a couple of days. He’s basically just left the old report, which states that it is ankle-high and is leaving the current conditions for you to judge for yourself. And, looking at the camera this morning, I can assure you that it is ankle-high. So unless you just want to endure more punishment, save yourself the trouble and take my word for it.

So endless days of flat surf have robbed me of my endorphin fix and I have enlisted in the Soviet Red Army Choir and have been posted to sing backup in a Finnish art band.

I’m the guy with the shoes. Constant drilling, memorization of political slogans, gigging around Helsinki and trips to the hair stylist have pretty much kept my mind off the lack of surf.

But this time of year, I also begin thinking about Hatteras. One advantage of living here is that we are equidistant from Hatteras and Melbourne. Of course, the disadvantage is that you have to get in your car and drive for EIGHT HOURS to get any decent surf. At least the drive up to Hattie is more interesting than down to Melbourne. They don’t call it Melboring for nothing. And I-95 between here and there has to be the most monotonous stretch of road in the South. Of course, there’s a Waffle House at every exit, so there is that.

On the other hand, the pilgrimage up to Hattie is filled with all sorts of amusements. Like the infamous speed trap in Shallotte. Why was it that, even though we all knew it was there, somebody inevitably got snagged? Plus you get to drive through all kinds of towns with interesting names, like Bolivia. Although I do seem to recall a note I made to myself about never again taking a very pregnant woman who has a 2-year-old in hand on an eight-hour road trip with GE when chasing a hurricane swell. That was about 20 years ago, and I’m probably another 15 years or so away from being forgiven for that little adventure.

While I’m dreaming of Hatteras, I also have my eye on the surf forecasting sites, and things don’t look all that stellar for the home team this weekend. There’s a big ol’ glob of swell out in the North Atlantic, but it isn’t anywhere that will do us any good. It looks like we will get a big push of wind out of the SW on Sunday, so there will probably be some wind chop of a rideable size, depending on your level of desperation. But prepare to either paddle constantly against the rip or surrender to the inevitable and do a lot of walking back down the beach.

As for me, I’ll be donning my Red Army uniform and limbering up my vocal cords for another night of Lynyrd Skynyrd favorites.