Neander blog

I just read that scientists have made significant progress in defining the Neanderthal genome. This appears to be significant to people who are trying to find out why Neanderthals became extinct and satisfy the arguments over whether they died out or mated with modern humans and just blended in.

And you can bet there’s a bunch of people with cushy research jobs who are just dying to spend the next 20 years of their tenure “investigating.” This may shock you, and put a bunch of those people out of a job, but I can prove Neanderthals still walk among us.

I rest my case.

So, since I have unequivocally proven that their lineage still exists, I think the more significant scientific quest should be to quit mapping the Neanderthal past and start worrying about the Neanderthal future. Because I seem to remember a genetics class I had in which the combination and recombination of genes is a random activity governed by something called statistics.

Now, this is all I remember because I think I had a hangover; so I’ve recruited Andy because he is a whiz at all sorts of things, and the two of us have formed a sort of scientific/affirmative action team to guard your future. Plus, we can save the nation a bunch of money. We don’t need any stinking research grants, just the Internet and a bunch of coffee.

So our point is, we had better quit ignoring these Neanderthal dudes and start taking some action, because they are probably breeding all over the place with all kinds of consequences we are left to deal with.

 

Like politics

And that’s just if the Neanderthals keep their genes to themselves.

Here’s what happens when they mix with normal humans.

Just thinking about sports

So take action. Stop Neanderthal mating now.

Your future

You can thank us later.

Comments

[Shelia]

A scientific/affirmative action team to guard our future ... AND saving the nation a bunch of money too? Sweet.

I feel so much safer now knowing that the CRBJ is on top of protecting us from neanderthal breeding. Not to mention saving us from the "investigating" teams.

[Gooner Lover]

I don't know why you call Ms. Vera de Milo "disastrous." Her beauty regimen is obviously highly successful.

[Sean McCambridge]

So what's wrong with "investigating?" And how do you get one of those cushy CEO jobs? ;)

Seriously, seeing Pete Rose and his bowl cut in the buff just killed my productivity for the day.